Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
