i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
did i just pee glitter
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
