ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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