You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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