My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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