Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
