Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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