i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
birth control should be required to get into college
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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