I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
