You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
