i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
