I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
