Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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