Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
