she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
