You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
