My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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