By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
