I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
