I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
