I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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