I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
