don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
