A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Who died my cat blue again?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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