Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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