haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
