I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
