we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
