we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
