Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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