when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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