I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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