dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
