I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
