Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
