I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
