I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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