I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
