even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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