My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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