If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
