Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
if only i could text you this smell
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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