Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize