Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
