You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
