Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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