I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
