Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize