Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
