She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
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