I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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