I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
