i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
