I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
he was CRYING into my vagina
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
