Old men and throwing up are my life now.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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