White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
