I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
