Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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