I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
