Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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