In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
