The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
did i walk over a car last night?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
