Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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